Don't get me wrong. I'm happy, happy, happy to be writing another romantic suspense for Dorchester. Especially this one (Triple Exposure), which is a book I've dreamed of writing for some time. Since the research will involve another glider flight (yea!) and a much-anticipated visit to the beautiful West Texas town of Marfa, I'm especially excited...
I am also scared as hell.
Not about the soaring (which I love) nor the prospect of driving nearly ten hours each way and meeting strangers in a strange place all alone (love that kind of thing as well). It's the pressure of wanting this book to be perfect when I'm not, of wanting it to be successful because I care so deeply. And the especially tight deadline doesn't help.
To be an artist of any sort is to dwell inside the fear place. We're afraid because we can neither anticipate nor control others' reaction to our labors. Afraid because the reality never measures up to the ideal held in our minds. Afraid, in my case, that the necessary constraints of deadlines will cause me to get sloppy in my work.
So today, I ask myself what's worse than a tight deadline. To which I answer "No deadline at all." Today I ask myself what I'd rather be doing. To which I answer, "Nothing" and write on.
So what's your creative fear place? Is it the writing, the marketing, the selling? And how do you overcome it to do the work you love?
Comments
Oh, boy do I know the fear place. It's there that I hear the voice whispering, "Soon, everyone will discover your secret. Soon everyone will know that you are a faker, that you really can't write."
As much as I don't like self-doubt or hearing that scratchy voice, down deep I think it serves a purpose. To motivate me to keep learning, to write better. So whenever it starts whispering, I stiffened my backbone, pull up my big-girl panties and write another scene.
My fourth Leisure book will be coming out next March. It's DISTRACTING THE DUCHESS, a really fun story that I'm so excited about.
It's the waiting for the next contract that's driving me crazy. Once my editor and agent get things nailed down for the 5th one, I'll start feeling legitimate again. Till I start worrying about the 6th.
I have a feeling it never ends, but I sure wouldn't trade it for my old day job.
Diana Groe/aka Emily Bryan
www.dianagroe.com
www.emilybryan.com
Hugs to you, Diana, and everyone waiting for another (or a first) contract. That's a tough place to be, one that breeds a lot of doubt.
I had the chance to observe some pitching disasters at a group agent meeting at National and while I was flabbergasted that I wasn't one of them, I had the opportunity to brainstorm WHAT TO DO IF... so I should be more relaxed the next time!
I had the chance to observe some pitching disasters at a group agent meeting at National and while I was flabbergasted that I wasn't one of them, I had the opportunity to brainstorm WHAT TO DO IF... so I should be more relaxed the next time!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
I wrote those books eighteen months to two years ago! I'm in a completely different place now (mentally, if not physically). Who knows if I'll ever win another award or hit a list again?
I'm on deadline for two books that have to be good. Period. I barely have the time to write them, but too bad for me. I don't know if I can finish them in time let alone have them do well enough that the publisher won't be disappointed.
I just turned in a third book and I'm terrified it won't 1) have the flavor of the other books in the series; 2) sell as well as the other books in the series. There will be a year and a half gap between books 2 and 3, and who knows if the readers will remember or care anything about the characters after all that time?
So, yeah, I get the fear thing.
No, I wouldn't trade my current job of full-time writer to go back to hose and a cubicle!
TJB
I try to remind myself to think of how things could go right. I keep a list of past successes and keep awards right where I can see them when I write--to remind myself I've felt this way before and I've been wrong and maybe I am this time, too.
I write the first draft as fast as I can so that I don't have so much time to be afraid. Then I go back and read it over quickly so that I can see the good parts as well as the ones that are crap. (Old way, making changes as I go, it was much too easy to be mired down in the parts that were crap and forget there might be anything good, too.)
This is not a career for cowards! And we're not--because we keep writing even though we are afraid.
I've appreciated all the sharing!