#BloodCancerAwarenessMonth Q&A: "Is it crazy to think I deserve to find love before I die?"

Over the years, I've received thousands of emails about Bald in the Land of Big Hair, a memoir about my experience with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. A cancer diagnosis brings a firestorm of questions, and as a survivor, I can sympathize, but I'm not an expert; many times I just don't have the answers. So this year during Blood Cancer Awareness Month, I've asked Ashley Rodgers (Masters in Rehabilitation and Mental Health Counseling), to respond to some FAQs about the emotional and psychological aspects of the cancer journey.

Q: My wife and I have been pretty unhappy for most of our 15-year marriage but stayed together because of the kids. Now I have cancer, and I feel like I'm wasting what might be the last years of my life. Is it crazy to think I should try to find love before I die?

Ashley says: Your desire to have love in your life is not crazy. It is natural to want passion and connection with another person. You can choose to dissolve your current relationship and look for someone new or you can try to rekindle what was once there between you and your wife. Either one you choose is okay.

If you opt to leave your marriage: When moving on from a long relationship, there are some important things to consider when looking for new love.

Take a break after the divorce to find out who you are as an individual. When you are in a long-term relationship, even if you are no longer close, you have grown as a person with someone else. You have to separate from that and see what it is you want now that you are single.

Be choosy. Don’t just go for the person who is the exact opposite of your ex-wife just because of that fact. Maybe you do want the new person to be different, but it is okay to want that person to have some of the same qualities that attracted you to your ex-wife in the beginning.

Look everywhere for a new relationship, don’t limit your choices to the bar around the corner. You may have been out of the dating game for several years; people meet love interests everywhere now. You can find people at the bar, the grocery store, the library, or park. This is important because this could help you find someone with the same interests or hobbies as you.

Here are a few tips on dating after divorce.

If you want to rekindle your marriage instead of moving on with a divorce there are many tools you can use to light that passion.

Start by listening to your wife. What is she asking of you, what kind of interaction dos she want from you? Find out and try to incorporate those things into your daily lives. Maybe she wants to be complimented on how she looks, or thanked for the things she does at home or for your children. If she is not sharing those needs with you anymore, start asking. Show her you are interested in what she wants and needs.

Take a trip down good memory lane. Remember some of the things you both used to do when you first got together. Make an effort to recreate one of those dates. Or, if you have been listening and your wife wants to do something new, try that instead! It will show her that you are listening, you are interested and that you want to build your relationship with new experiences together. Just remember to take strides toward the goal of rekindling your relationship even when it gets difficult.

If it took 15 years to get to where you are now, it may take time to get to where you want to be. But keeping your wife in the loop of what your goal is and how you are feeling with greatly assist you in your efforts.

Here are some tips on rekindling your relationship.

We welcome your questions and comments.

*No part of this blog or the book Bald in the Land of Big Hair should be misconstrued as or substituted for medical advice.

Dr. Janece O. Hudson Gets Into Your Dreams

Boxing the Octopus Contest/Dream Advice Exclusive: Ask Dr. Hudson a question about your dreams in the comments below or simply post a comment to be entered in a drawing to take place on Friday, August 5th at noon CDT to win a copy of Into Your Dreams! Beginning this afternoon (Monday, 8/1) Dr. Hudson will answer your dream questions on a first-come, first-served basis in the comments section. Please include an e-mail address with your comment or check back at the blog on Friday afternoon so we can reach you if your name is drawn. -------------------- Right around the time I sold my first book, I was fortunate enough to meet Jan Hudson, the author of more than thirty romances and romantic comedies. During a shared meal at a writer's conference, I casually mentioned a vivid, terrifying dream that had repeatedly troubled me for months, something about continually being cut off on my commute to work by tornadoes dropping from the sky. That's when I learned of Jan's ...

Quick Tips from a Tightrope

The other day, I posted this sobering message on my Facebook and Twitter feeds: New writers don't want to hear it, but staying published is the hard part. Like trying to walk a tightrope in lard-slathered socks. The publishing biz had just given me another such reminder, with my former publisher (and holder of my entire in-print backlist) deciding to go all digital, at least in the near future and whittling down its editorial staff to nearly nil in response to dwindling sales. But even in the best of economic times, it's a huge challenge to keep one's career alive long enough to build an audience and prosper, especially for the grand majority of authors, who survive on the mid-list. (Big-time bestsellerdom has its own perils, but that's another post.) Yet somehow, I remain if not wildly optimistic, perpetually hopeful. Over the years, I've seen some very talented authors crash and burn with the fortunes of lousy covers, a line's or publisher's demise, or an ...

#TheStruggleIsReal Why I’m Not Mad That You Didn’t Hire Me (Freelance editor Jerusha Rodgers on a millennial dilemma)

Today we hear from Jerusha Rodgers (aka "The Plot Whisperer") of Rabid Badger Editing in a post prompted by a conversation about agism in publishing, which I see from the perspective of a, um...let's say "experienced" author/book doctor in my 50s and she sees from the perspective of a fresh new face in her mid-20s. Ironically, yes, she had to explain to me about "the struggle is real." Shortly after graduating, a friend of mine posted the greatest Facebook status ever: “I would love to reenact some the of the fantasies in Fifty Shades of Grey, specifically the one where she gets a full-time job straight out of college.” With an economy that clings to safety (read: tradition and money) and a workforce and community that strives for advancement (read: cooler, more accessible stuff), applicants whose limited practical experience is backed up by open minds and inherent expertise in the use of technology often get left out of the running. It’s the st...

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