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Hip! Hip! Hooray! It's Another Bloody Awful Bulwer-Lyton Winner!

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For me, one of summer's guiltiest pleasures has been in the announcement of the annual winner of the Bulwer-Lyton Award for the most godawful opening lines in creation. Named for the first Baron Lyton, he of the "dark and stormy night fame," the Bulwer-Lyton award inspires many to do their very worst each year.

Without further ado, I bring you this year's Grand Prize Winner from University of Wisconsin Oshkosh Associate Professor of Curriculum and Instruction (and part-time punster) Sue Fondrie.
Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories.

But wait, wait! There's more! Much more, in fact, if you'll just drop by the Bulwer-Lytton Awards site, you can check out this year's category winners, honorable and dishonorable mentions. After all, you wouldn't want to miss out on gems such as one of the latter, this howler from Basil McDonnell of Vancouver, British Columbia:

The victim was a short man, with a face full of contradictions: amalgam, composite, dental porcelain, with both precious and non-precious metals all competing for space in a mouth that was open, bloody, terrifying, gaping, exposing a clean set of asymptomatic impacted wisdom teeth, but clearly the object of some very comprehensive dental care, thought Dirk Graply, world-famous womanizer, tough guy, detective, and former dentist.

Enjoy!

*Update link!
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Comments

Angelica R. Jackson said…
Thanks for posting--I couldn't get on their site, it may have crashed from too much traffic. Until it's back up, I can enjoy the ones you posted!
1:27 PM
Colleen Thompson said…
Angelica,
Thanks for alerting me there was an issue with the link. I've corrected it.
3:00 PM
TJ Bennett said…
I don't know. I think this one should have been a contender for #1: "Deep into that particular wet Saturday night ugly blues screamed out from the old man's horn like a hooker being hauled down a flight of stairs, regular thick loud thumps punctuated by nasty and erratic sharp barks."

~John Benson
Carthage, MO 64836
*****
I can actually SEE (hear) that one! LOL!
9:27 PM
Colleen Thompson said…
Ha, TJ! That's one of my favorites, too!

We should devote part of critique group to coming up with our own before the next entry deadline!
9:39 PM
Joni Rodgers said…
Ha! That's awesome. I definitely have the bloody sparrow bits brain from time to time. I tweeted your post, Colleen, and got a lovely note back from the author.
12:40 AM
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